Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Split B Soup 

Hi! I'm Brian the Split Beaver, and when I'm not chewing down trees to make a dam I like to keep track of the comings and goings of various pop acts. As 2005 seems to be the year of the pop massacre with bands flopping more than my tail, I've been employed by Talent in a Previous Life to keep track of the comings and goings in the music world. Well, the goings at any rate. Here's the latest news.

First up, Vs haven't even been given the chance to release their piss-poor cover of If You Leave Me Now, finding themselves dropped just as the video started turning up on the music channels, which shows a remarkable lack of faith by the record company. Don't worry, though, they're still together, and are happily telling fans on their official website not to be disenheartened and that they're currently actively pursuing a new contract. My beaver brain tells me that their time would probably be better spent actively pursuing alternative employment.

Also joining them down the job centre, trying to convince the lad behind the counter that spending two hours a day singing and dancing does count as a genuine attempt to find work, are The 411, or so I've heard from the woodland grapevine. Do you get grapevines in woods? I'm just a beaver, I don't know about these things. Anyway, according to a few sources, their poor performance has left their record company unimpressed and they've been dropped. As with Vs, they're still together, presumably more out of hope than rationality, and are hoping to get a new deal. Their official website is somewhat reluctant to give any details, but given that the most recent news story posted there claims that their official website is at jamie-scott.com, it's safe to say that they're not exactly of the highest priority.

Liberty X may or may not have been dropped, depending on who you believe, but as they haven't exactly been very high profile in recent times, I was under the impression that they, much like Elvis before them, had already left the building. If that analogy holds up, we can look forward to a weekly re-release of all of their hits in 40 years time to commemorate their achievements, although unlike Elvis they won't clog up the charts for 18 weeks, mainly because it'll only take one week to re-release Just a Little. In the meantime Michelle will be desperately hoping that Andy Scott-Lee eventually makes some sort of success in the world of pop, thus allowing her to cling onto the limelight for just that little bit longer.

Finally, we come to Geri Halliwell who's still holding on to her contract as I type - and believe me, it's hard typing with these little paws - but given that her tour has now officially been cancelled due to no-one actually giving a damn and she's been sent back to the studio to redo her album due to the record company reckoning that it's a bit shit - not that that's stopped them putting her stuff out in the past - it can only be a matter of time before we say good-bye to Geri the popstar and hello to Miss Halliwell, the media whore. On the plus side though, her being without a deal might bring the Spice Girls reunion a step closer.

That's it from me, Brian the Split Beaver. I'll no doubt be back soon with more news of groups who's grip on success has become somewhat weakened, but until then I'm going to have a good old gnaw on this cedar tree, then catch some fish, or whatever it is beavers actually eat. Bye!