Saturday, January 08, 2005
Kenzie Watch: Day 1
And so it begins. Young Kenzie is now finding himself under more scrutiny than he's ever been in his life before, including that time when the police got a number of complaints about his gang hanging around outside Threshers and intimidating the customers, but he seems to be coming out of it quite well. Already John McCririck has described him as "A real find, he's really bright and intelligent, the sort of young man the country should be proud of" which, to be honest, says less about the standard of Kenzie's character and more about the sort of young men that John has had dealings with in the past.
The Big Brother bosses are undoubtedly hoping for some sort of sexual shenannigans to take place in the house, or at the very least a vague rumour of romance, and it seems that Kenzie may well find himself at the centre of a love triangle of sorts, as while Kenzie has the hots for Caprice, and Caprice probably has the hots for Jeremy Edwards, if we've read the signs correctly, we reckon that Jez is looking to add another notch to his pop totty bedpost by trying to get it on with Kenzie, Rachel presumably having turned him off of the whole concept of girls. Some might say that such a statement is ludicrous and, indeed, quite possibly libelous, but we do have evidence for our belief, and by 'evidence' we mean 'wild speculation which is about as likely to be true as the statement "The new Stereophonics album is really going to shake up the music scene"'. Our evidence is this: Jeremy was the first to discover the private bedroom and waterbed and, despite having the choice of Caprice, Lisa, Brigitte, or even Germaine for that matter, the first person he excitedly told about his discovery and invited into his boudoir was none other than Kenzie. We'll think you'll find that that's conclusive proof. Also, it seems that Kenzie might not be averse to his advances, as when defending Jeremy's right to have the bed, Kenzie announced to all that Jeremy should get it as he's "probably the biggest", and we think we all know exactly what he's referring to there.
Not that Kenzie wants to be known for a torrid homosexual love affair. He's been making it quite clear to all who'll listen, some might call it over compensating, that he's quite fond of Caprice, stating that he likes "Buff girls", and that he "Does like women", while in the Diary Room, before going on to add that the thought of "Waking up next to the girl in my magazine" is quite exciting. We assume that he was referring to Caprice here, and not the fact that Lisa I'Anson was cover girl of the most recent edition of "Forgotten Radio 1 DJs Monthly". It certainly wasn't Germaine Greer that he was talking about, that's for sure, given that he didn't have a clue who she was although the opposite was also true, with Germaine not knowing who he was and making an apalling error by saying that she felt "quite certain that Kenzie was a musician". Despite his ignorance of her work, however, he's not averse to a bit of feminism, sticking up for Germaine when John was having a go at her about her feminist beliefs by saying "I love my women, but I wouldn't talk to them like that". Truly, he is the ultimate New Man.
The rest of the night was spent getting drunk on the champagne that Big Brother had provided to celebrate his 19th birthday. While everyone else, including Caprice, found themselves in the jacuzzi in various states of undress, Kenzie decided to add credence to our potential romance theory by hanging around the kitchen, not in his underwear, but with Jeremy, dropping loading comments along the lines of "I do everything with my boys", rather than watching the girls in their bikinis. He did, however, later join the others and seemed to enjoy himself, with the slightly weird-eyed Caprice putting all thoughts of crappy Hollyoaks actors out of his mind. Indeed, once everyone else had gone to bed, he found himself once again in the kitchen, this time with Bez, where he got all unnecessary about Caprice and, slightly bizarrely, Brigitte Neilson, and their Jacuzzi antics. It seemed that these thoughts, perhaps combined with those of Jeremy in his swimming trunks, all got too much for him, as he suddenly had to excuse himself to go to the bathroom, the only place in the house without a camera. Hmmm.
