Talent in a Previous Life

Because It's Never Just About the Music

Monday, November 08, 2004

Chart Attack Redux 

After a long period where the charts were as dull as a Westlife album sleeve, the top 40 got a bit exciting this week as all the big names - and Wet Wet Wet - decided to release their new singles and have a big old barney as they fought their way to the top spot. The first to pull themselves out of the mess of flailing limbs and stand victorious on the pile of hopeless losers was Eminem who has returned, as he always seems to do, with a 'controversial' - and seemingly meta, what with the amount of self-referencing that goes on in it - new single, Just Lose It. To be honest, we're hard pressed to really see in what way having a bit of a dig at Michael Jackson can be considered to be pushing back the boundaries of acceptable public comment, especially as it includes a cutting-edge dig at the Pepsi hair-on-fire incident; something that happened in 1984.

Destiny's Child are up next, claiming silver with Lose My Breath which is superior to the Eminem track in every possible sense, unless your definition of quality begins and ends with the phrase "Rehashing past glories". Britney hit the number 3 spot with her own rehash of past glories, although she decided it'd be more original, or at least quicker, to rehash someone else's past glories instead, which was the same opinion held by Christina Aguilera and Missy Elliot, whose utterly inessential cover of Car Wash can be found at number 4. Finally, we have Usher at number 5, a position he presumably celebrated by buying a t-shirt two sizes too small, which, due to the discomfort, he then removed about 2 minutes into his victory dance.

There's some other stuff in there, but nothing hugely exciting. Wet Wet Wet's comeback proved to be more interesting to the general public than Elton's, with positions of 14 and 20 respectively, while The Strokes where perhaps a little bit miffed that John Peel's death led to their NME cover feature being postponed, which might have something to do with the fact that they've limped into the charts at number 27. Still, no matter what, all these acts can sleep well, safe in the knowledge that they're not George Michael who could only muster a quite frankly pathetic 32 with Round Here. With any luck this lack of success may mean that a Wham! reunion could become more than just the crazy dream of a madman. And Pepsi and Shirley's accountants.