Well, it's Friday once again. If we were
Craig David we'd currently be on the third day of making love to some lady we'd picked up in the subway, safe in the knowledge that we still had a full 24 hours of nookie to come before taking time out to chill. However, we're not a dull urban popstar who's debut album cover has the smuggest expression known to man, so instead we've frittered away today in a meaningless fashion, knowing that ultimately we're going to have to devote half an hour to watching
Top of the Pops, but hoping that there's at least one performance of note this week. Here's what we learnt.:-
- Clearly feeling that the Annoying Twat quotient of the show has dropped alarmingly since Tim Kash
was sacked left to pursue other opportunities, Radio 1's favourite unfunny fat man, Chris Moyles, was drafted in to provide guest presenter duties.
- In a move which screams "Let's try and shift a few more copies of the album on te back of the MoBo victories" from the top of it's lungs, Jamelia is releasing DJ as a single. The video does little to dissuade you from that notion, consisting as it does of hastily cobbled together live footage and shots of her working in the studio. Despite it being so creatively inspired, we think they'd have been as well saving themselves a bit of time and just pointed a camera at a bit of card reading "Will this do?" for 3 minutes. The end result is the same. Still, she knows which side of the bread her Pretty Polly contract is buttered on and wore a suitably short dress for the studio performance.
- "Will this do?" looks like it's going to be the theme of this show, with Travis up next to 'perform' latest single, Walking in the Sun - nothing to do with the similarly titled Smash Mouth track, alas. Fran wore a Live Aid t-shirt and exhorted the audience to "Come on!" after the first chorus. The cock.
- In other Travis news, the drummer has finally shaved off his stupid facial hair, thus making them marginally less annoying.
- Dido, Keane, Coldplay, Noel Gallagher, Damon Albarn, The Darkness, Beverly Knight and Jamelia are all likely to be involved in the new Band Aid single. Can anyone think of a less enticing line-up?
- Duncan and Keedie, or Duncan from Blue and Some Lass as most of the people buying this record know them as, aren't number one. Hooray! The audience were all waving glowsticks around during this, making it look like we were watching the worst rave that the world has ever seen. Come back Altern-8. All is forgiven.
- Geri's back! And she seems to be rocking a stone age prostitute look. We miss the Spice Girls.
- Lemar has spent some time at a car showroom in LA. TotP really do know what makes televisual gold.
- The lead singer of Rooster clearly believes that the best way to demonstrate their authenticity over the other acts on the show is to not bother having a shave and to dance like an absolute twat.
- The role of Delta Goodrem is being played by Celine Dion's uglier sister.
- Eric Prydz is somehow back at number one again. No, we don't understand it either. Some people have been saying that this is the first time since 2002 that a number two has gone back to number one, but surely in the case of this track it's been a number two at the number one spot right from the very start?
