Thursday, August 05, 2004
Pop: The Question
And welcome to another brand new feature in which we answer questions posed in the lyrics of pop songs. Regular readers may well consider the 'new' epithet to be somewhat dubious, given that at first glance it would appear to be exactly the same as the old TiaPL Spleen feature, only without the annoying internal organ based conceit. Second and third glances will confirm this, but we've decided to go for a more straightforward approach this time, given that the Spleen was originally set up to parody the NME Brain feature, a feature which was dropped only a couple of weeks after we unleashed the might of our satirical wit upon it. Coincidence? Well, yes, but never mind.
The first question we're going to answer has been posed by Miss Betty Boo who asks "Where are you baby?". First stop was Ask Jeeves, who wasn't hugely helpful and pointed us in the direction of sites on baby development which was about as useful to us as Jenny Frost. We don't really feel there should be much need for sites of that nature anyway as baby development essentially runs "unable to control bowels" to "able to control bowels", with a lot of crying and puking inbetween, which is very similar to the career of most rock stars.
If her video is to be believed, and we assume that all pop videos are documentaries, she hasn't just been sitting around waiting for this site to exist to get an answer to her question. She's put in some effort herself to find her baby. Unfortunately Miss Boo felt that the best place to go searching for her baby was on the surface of a strange alien planet while dressed in silver. While space travel to unknown lands in foxy outfits is a normal, everyday occurrence for pop princesses, it's not something which happens on a regular basis for ordinary mortals, so she was essentially wasting her time and money looking there, even if it did make for an ace promo.
So, Betty's own search was essentially worthless, the song even ending with the desperate plea for her baby to use the telephone service to get in touch with her. Clearly a man who would run off and leave the lovely pop rapper behind is not a bright man. Indeed, some might even suggest that he's nothing short of a loser, which is why, to find her baby, we decided to go and question the tramps hanging around underneath the railway bridge to see if any of them knew where he was. Alas, all they knew was the cheapest place to buy Special Brew and more swearwords than the entire editorial staff of Viz, so we're still none the wiser as to where her baby is. Sorry. But at least we tried, we even contacted the National Missing Persons Helpline, but they got very cross with us. At least they can rest happily knowing that they know even more swearwords than the tramps did.
If you know of a lyrical question that needs to be resolved, then why not let us know by e-mailing us and we'll answer it to the very best of our abilities, i.e. not very well.
The first question we're going to answer has been posed by Miss Betty Boo who asks "Where are you baby?". First stop was Ask Jeeves, who wasn't hugely helpful and pointed us in the direction of sites on baby development which was about as useful to us as Jenny Frost. We don't really feel there should be much need for sites of that nature anyway as baby development essentially runs "unable to control bowels" to "able to control bowels", with a lot of crying and puking inbetween, which is very similar to the career of most rock stars.
If her video is to be believed, and we assume that all pop videos are documentaries, she hasn't just been sitting around waiting for this site to exist to get an answer to her question. She's put in some effort herself to find her baby. Unfortunately Miss Boo felt that the best place to go searching for her baby was on the surface of a strange alien planet while dressed in silver. While space travel to unknown lands in foxy outfits is a normal, everyday occurrence for pop princesses, it's not something which happens on a regular basis for ordinary mortals, so she was essentially wasting her time and money looking there, even if it did make for an ace promo.
So, Betty's own search was essentially worthless, the song even ending with the desperate plea for her baby to use the telephone service to get in touch with her. Clearly a man who would run off and leave the lovely pop rapper behind is not a bright man. Indeed, some might even suggest that he's nothing short of a loser, which is why, to find her baby, we decided to go and question the tramps hanging around underneath the railway bridge to see if any of them knew where he was. Alas, all they knew was the cheapest place to buy Special Brew and more swearwords than the entire editorial staff of Viz, so we're still none the wiser as to where her baby is. Sorry. But at least we tried, we even contacted the National Missing Persons Helpline, but they got very cross with us. At least they can rest happily knowing that they know even more swearwords than the tramps did.
If you know of a lyrical question that needs to be resolved, then why not let us know by e-mailing us and we'll answer it to the very best of our abilities, i.e. not very well.
