- 1 to 10 - The Pop Success Zone
The big news here is that The Streets have hit the number one spot with Dry Your Eyes. We've never really 'got' The Streets, to be honest. They've always smacked of novelty to our ears and we've always been slightly annoyed that people take them seriously and describe Mike Skinner as a poet and the voice of a generation, rather than the facing the reality of the situation which is that he's just a bit of a twat with a rhyming dictionary. This single doesn't really do a lot to change our mind. While, yes, musically it is rather lovely, lyrically it's about as deep and meaningful as a whimsical teacloth. "There's plenty more fish in the sea", he informs us. Well! Thank you for that insight, Mr Skinner, for your next trick do you plan on informing us that every cloud has a silver lining? Or that over hyped wide-boys really shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a drum machine?
This weeks top ten is mainly characterised by shuffling about. Other than a new entry at number 10 for Lou Reed with the rather fab Satellite of Love, which we're aware we really shouldn't like but we do anyway, everything else just moves down a place or two, with the exception of O-Zone, who somehow manage to move up a place with their slightly bizarre but undeniably catchy Dragostea Din Tei. We do wonder about the great British public sometimes.
- 11 to 20 - The Pop Failure Zone
Two new entries here, one for Styles and Breeze with You're Shining, which we've not heard but we're going to stick our neck out and assume it's a piece of rubbish, derivative dance music. The other is for Estelle with 1980, a song which we have heard on a few occasions, but promptly forget what it sounds like roughly 5 seconds after hearing it. We don't feel our memory is missing out on much though.
- 21 to 30 - The Pointless Zone
A disappointing new entry for Ash at number 22, but then, Starcrossed is a very disappointing tune from them, so this seems quite fair. Lower down, but more successful in relative terms is The Cure who arrive at number 25 with The End of the World, proving that there still exists a market for men in make-up, even if that market has somewhat shrunk since the glory days of Richie from 5ive.
- 31 to 40 - The Indie Success Zone
Whichever record company man felt that the public was clamouring to hear new material by half of Bros is no doubt spending today trying to explain exactly why he should keep his job in the wake of Matt Goss hitting number 31 with Fly, while Badly Drawn Boy props up the arse end of the chart with The Year of Rat single. We think it's a pleasant enough tune but it's not exactly one that deserves pride of place in the essential purchase section of the record shop.
