Monday, July 19, 2004
Chart Attack
Look! A new feature, how exciting is that? Please, don't answer that. Whether this becomes regular or not largely depends on our overpowering laziness, but lets give it a shot, shall we?
- 1 to 10 - The Pop Success Zone
Rachel, alas, didn't make it to the top spot, being beaten by Shapeshifters and Lola's Theme, which is the usual sort of vaguely uplifting summary dance tune that seems to sell in great quantities at this time of year, presumably because the sun, or some other chemical stimulus, is burning away the parts of the brain which are responsible for making critical judgments about music. Usher is still hanging around the top 3 like a bad smell, while new entries for J-Kwon and Jamelia make up the rest of the top 5, but neither of them interest us enough to warrant any more comment, unlike the new Morrissey single, First of the Gang to Die at number 6 which has made us all glowy in a way that indie music really shouldn't do. But then, it is Morrissey, so we're allowed to get all over excited and unnecessary about it. After all, it features him singing about a gang member called Hector who he later refers to as a "Silly boy". What's not to love?
- 11 to 20 - The Pop Failure Zone
Not much going on here, other than Marillion somehow having a new entry with Don't Hurt Yourself, a song which sounds exactly like you would expect a Marillion single to sound like - i.e. The Past. It does worry us, though, that there are still enough Marillion fans out there to make this a hit. Surely they should all be dead by now?
- 21 to 30 - The Pointless Zone
A new entry here for Snow Patrol with the actually quite good Spitting Games which is their attempt at doing a pop song. Alas, their indie sensibilities come in and they don't actually bother with a chorus of any note, but the verses are ace so we salute this. Mind you, we saluted it when it was originally released and we do have to question whether the world was really crying out for another opportunity to buy it. The re-release comes with their cover of Crazy in Love which manages to survive their mauling and come out still sounding rather fab, but this is more down to the song's genius, rather than their interpretation. Zane Lowe does the rap, proving once again that the man really does hate music.
In amongst the other songs waiting here on their way out of the chart you can also find the brand new Counting Crows single which is the theme from Shrek 2 and, as such, is sung by a hideous ogre who's clumsy handling of his instrument leads to a nightmarish cacophony and is surely the music that is played in hell.
- 31 to 40 - The Indie Success Zone
Velvet Revolver, Mull Historical Society and Bloc Party have all wet themselves with indie excitement this week as they reach the heady heights of the lower reaches of the chart. We really like Mull Historical Society to be honest, but they do seem to think that constantly releasing the same song under different names is a really good idea. For Nelly Furtado however, reaching number 40 isn't something to be proud of and the Portuguese Pop Princess may well be rethinking her tactics with the failure of Forca, the Euro 2004 theme. Forca, by the way, is foreign for "Unlistenable load of guff by someone who should really know better".
