Saturday, February 07, 2004
Pet Rescue
This is Whistle the kitten. We first came across him when the bonza girls at CFB Goes Pop used him to illustrate an article about Atomic Kitten splitting up, presumably because it was the only way to get any feelings of sadness related to the news. The story which the girls It doesn't have to be like this though, we're joining The Pop's campaign to save Whistle and other kittens like him. Only kittens though, once they stop looking cute and potentially fluffy, we lose interest. Anyway, we're planning on releasing a charity single to help save Whistle. Our original aim was to get The Cure to re-record their classic hit Lovecats, but with a space between the "e" and the "c". Unfortunately though, when we called Robert Smith to ask for his help, he didn't seem too enamoured with the idea. Indeed, his exact quote was "How the hell did you get hold of this number? Who are you? If you don't stop bothering me I'll call the police, now fuck off" - which wasn't very encouraging. A similar reaction occured when we we contacted Nelly Furtado to see if she'd be interested in recording I'm, like, a cat. Don't worry though, whenever there is profile raising charity work to be done, there's always someone desperate enough to try and cling on to the last vestiges of their fame so, ladies and gentlemen, we present Ace of Base with Life in a Shower (Save Whistle From the Bin):-
We just need to free him
Save Whistle from the bin
He should be smiling
But instead he looks like poo
Life in a shower
Bedraggled in your hand
Hotline be dialing
And your cash will help him too
When every kitty's spurned
And his cage is closing in
You don't care about his world
So please notice his plight
I cried for him today, ah-ah ah...
We just need to free him
Save Whistle from the bin
Then we'll be smiling
And Whistle will smile too
Life in a shower
He needs a loving hand,
Some proper styling
And a nice fish flavoured chew
You cannot be his judge
Evil Jailier is his host
He's keeping him inside
And hides him from the world
Just look into his eyes
And you can't help yourself
You want to free him
Save Whistle from the bin
Just please keep dialing
And send your cash real soon
Life in a shower
A hairdryer would help
Cause he's just whiling
His life away, it's true.
Please Mr. Cat Catcher
Release him for a while
Teach him the reality of
A purring, happy life
We just need to free him
Save Whistle from the bin
He should be smiling
But instead he looks like poo
Life in a shower
Bedraggled in your hand
Hotline be dialing
And your cash will help him too
(repeat & fade)
A song that will melt the icy heart of even the coldest, evilist, kitten hating person, we're sure you'll agree, so this, alongside Busted's I'm Glad That I Saved Whistle will surely gurantee safety for all Whistle's, everywhere. Now, if only Girls Aloud return our call regarding releasing "No Good Mice", never again will a kitten need to live in fear. Unless they get given a home with the coldest, evilist, kitten hating person we mentioned earlier, that is.
