Thursday, November 13, 2003
Vampire in the Disco!
And with no messing about, lets introduce the second acest thing in the world... ever! and it's Vampires. If you were given the choice of being any undead horror creation, then the blood-sucking creature of the night is going to be first in the list every single time. Being a lumbering, stupid, drooling fool like Frankenstein's Monster is unlikely to appear to anyone other than Rugby fans, who are already halfway there, and while Dracula will undoubtedly have problems shaving, this is nothing compared to the hassles that Werewolves are going to have, no matter how much your basketball skills are improved by the transformation. No, vampires are where it's at.
For a start, you get to turn into a bat, which is obviously going to be a bonus, after all, we've certainly been in many situations where we've thought "Oh, if only I could turn into the only flying mammal, that'd get all these problems sorted out", it would also be a great ice-breaker at parties, and would certainly be an interesting response to the rather dull "So, what do you do?" question. Parties would also become a major part of your life, seeing as nightlife would be all you'd be able to cope with, what with, the admittedly slightly awkward, 'daylight turning you to dust thing'. Though this wouldn't be a major issue, providing you had a friend prepared to follow you around with a dust-buster and didn't mind supplying some blood to reanimate you every so often.
OK, OK, you'd need to avoid French food, your hobby of visiting Churches would need to be curtailed, biting your lip would be a health-hazard, rather than a mild irritant, and yes, drinking blood would feature heavily in your dietary plans, but stop being so negative! You'd get to sleep in a coffin, wear a red-lined cape without being laughed at. Isn't that what we all dream of at night? Well, that and gigantic strawberries with mouths and sharp pointy teeth running after us trying to eat us.
So there we go, Vampires, the Second Most Ace Thing In The World... Ever!
